Shaded Heart

These screams I hear inside my head
Sometimes make me see blood red
I’ve had enough, it’s too much pain
I think I might have gone insane

I only want to run away
To be with you all night and day
But I am trapped within this life
The bitter struggle, my painful strife

Yet when the rains and storms have cleared
I’ll be that man I’ve always feared
So now I watch for far away
I’ll be with you, some day

I sit in perfect obscurity
without a thing to hide,
and stare at my reflections;
to them only I confide.

Yes, I sit still waiting
for what I have not seen;
for that which I will never know;
for whom has never been.

But still I lay and listen
to the rustle of the trees;
to the howling of the midnight wind;
the churning of the seas.

I sit in perfect obscurity
with a smile upon my face
for I have found the darkness.
Forever shall it be my place.

With extreme, comes a change
Balancing in full my derange
I know not why I am here
Or why I still live in fear

The rising up sets me free
But I’m rising to reality
What once was clear, now is haze
I am lost within an empty maze

And as I grow forever strong
I seem to kill my own soul’s song
There can be no in-between
I have met the bitter seam

What lies beyond, no one speaks
Only dreams and imagination keeps
That which I now must transcend
To begin a new, to close an end

And so now I dwindle away
From that which I always stay
And life goes on, minds forget
Alone I travel this fateful trip

I’m sitting here alone again
Writing another poem about you
Waiting for the phone to ring
But wishing you wouldn’t call

These help me to remember
How sweet your love really was
Even though words aren’t enough
They spark the memories of you

Even though you’re long gone
I can still feel you here today
Every letter pressed tells a story
Every line a dream of you

An outlet to my feelings
That I’m too afraid to show
A prison for my mind
A book of lies I call dreams

So I’ll lock these thoughts away
Bury them deep within my soul
A burden to my broken heart
A way to make me strong again

My heart is sinking slowly
In this vast serene
I’m lost inside your beauty
Tell me what it means?

I’m taken by my senses
To your sweet surreal
Nothing seems to matter
Hidden in perfect conceal

I’d give my life to love you
Can you understand?
Sorrows and doubts behind us
Nothing goes as planned

I wish that I could hear you
Whispers in my ear
I would die just to hold you
For just one moment so near

Do you know that I love you?
I’m not like the rest
I’ll be here with you always
And this I write to attest

Nothing else matters to me
It is only you
Put the past behind us now
I’ll never stop loving you

I saw you again today
But I held my breath
Wanting to just hold you
But even that is wrong

Trying so hard just to say “Hello”
When every moment counts
And every actions screams
And every word has meaning

I’m forgetting your scent
Every curve of your body
The sound of your voice
The magic of your smile

And I woke up this morning
Knowing I was still alone
And that this day has come
The day I’ve always feared

You saw me again today
But you never uttered a word
Passed me by like a stranger
As if you’d forgotten my name

You won’t even say “Hello”
It doesn’t even matter to you
Instead you’ve gone to my best friend
And I’m hating every second

You’re remembering the days
When everyone was friends
And no hearts had been broken
No feelings destroyed

It’s amazing to discover
You can change our very lives
With a simple change of mind
And not even give a damn

In a world of no forgiveness
In a realm of many tears
In this sphere of sorrows
And of relentless fears

In a place of no tomorrow
You can only find today
And you live in your past
Where your life seems astray

There’s a place of loving
A perfected conceal
Where everything is peaceful
And your dreams become real

If you’d only let me love you
I’d show you the way
To my small piece of heaven
Where forever you can stay

If you’d put your past behind you
And gave to me today
Tomorrow we’ll face together
If it could only be this way

You say that you know me
But you have yet to see
You think you’ve got me figured out
But I’m forced to disagree

Confide to me your darkness
And I will give you my light
Tell me your deep regressions
And I’ll still love you tonight

Can you grasp my love for you
You must know it is real
And when you keep things from me
Pain is all I can feel

My heart is crying out for you
Let be known, my love is true
I wish you wouldn’t have to cry
But you do, despite all I try

Those who hurt you in the past
Those friends of your who did not last
Who cares at all what they say
As long as you’ll be with me today

But if you need to go and weep
I’ll be your hidden, secret keep
And together we’ll cry the night
And hold each other so very tight

And if you need to run away
I’ll be your shelter and your stay
Together we can find relief
From our sorrows, and our grief

Do not fear, I’m not the same
Of those who ridicule in shame
True is my passion which I show
Forget the world, just let it go

You will always mean so much to me
And I wish one day I could set you free
But maybe for this one minute pray
We’ll live it together, with past away

Confide in me your deepest fears
And I’ll whisper in your soften ears
I love you, I know that much is true
I am one, and that one is you

There were times things seemed so clear
I put away those things that I fear
All I wanted was for you to be mine
You told me that you needed some time

Days passed as they turned into weeks
But I stayed with you, I’m not that weak
Then you told me that things were okay
The day I had you – this day I’m most afraid

We’re together but now I’m holding back
Constant struggle this inner attack
I want you so bad, what can I say?
I never want to see you walking away

Now that you have taken your time
Show me now that you want to be mine
I’ll hold you close in the faintest of light
If I could only steal your kiss tonight

In hurt and fear my mind is caught
Up the volume to drown my thought
Though the sound burn my ears
It’s not enough to hide my tears

Your words can hurt like a knife
Your words make up my simple life
Was all I said lost in vain?
Are my actions consumed by pain?

Constant reminder of my mistake
This futile game which I partake
Can’t you let my errors go?
Maybe then you’ll start to know

History itself does not repeat
Our future now is not concrete
But the present is something I know
I’d love you if you’d let me show

I hope this feeling does not last
I hope someday you will contrast
You’re different and you know it too
I plan to see this one through