Shaded Heart

A violet sun shines deeply
revealing a heart of grey
that trades alcohol for oxygen
and chemicals for this blue blood.

Sadness marks my every breath,
and my seared lips speak only fear.
Blackened thoughts fill my mind;
these swollen eyes shed hope.

My skin knows no lover’s touch
and no siren songs ring these ears.
A dull moon rises in an empty sky,
signaling now the final hour.

Breathe. Taking in the air
Silent intoxication here
Streaming through my veins
Bleeding out my tears
A forced sigh of discomfort

Speak. Nothing to be said
An evil silence spreads
Dying slowly to myself
Trying not to think aloud
Another second creeps on by

Feel. Numbness takes control
A pain that killed a soul
Escaping through my hands
Taping up the wounds
The dark consumes the fire

Die. Struggle for the life
This long and lonely strife
Crying to gods not there
Fearing what a moment brings
My heart never feels a beat

When we see the light
And we say goodnight
I don’t want this to be the end

Can I stay a while
In sweet denial
It doesn’t have to be like this

Your lovely smile
Your tender kiss
All these things I have grown to miss

So I sing this song
And when I am gone
Will you sing it right back to me?

And now you’re gone
And it’s been too long
Since I could hold you in my arms

And it breaks my heart
When we’re apart
Won’t you come running back to me?

Well I’m still here
So do not fear
I love you still, I love you still

Walking around the room again
Doing circles in my head
Forgot to eat today again
Wondering if I’m dead

Music playing loud again
Lyrics make me cry
Didn’t sleep another night again
No reason to try

Not picking up the phone again
It’s not you anyway
Writing in my book again
You’ll probably throw away

Crying all alone again
Nothing stops the tears
Dying all alone again
You are all my fears

Painful thoughts crash ashore
As feeling slowly erodes away
Every image burns into my mind
For fear this could be the last

Every kiss stings sweetly
And your words echo through caves
Filled with shadows and evil
Where light may never break

Streams of sorrow flow quietly
As the salt interests my lips
Defeat infests my very self
At the movement of your lips

An awkward smile makes charades
You kiss the hate away
And I’m gazing toward the stars
For some solace from another lost

Midnight air thickens and I struggle to breathe
Falling tears wash away the memories
And the sounding beat spells out pain
While every moment reminds me of you

My face hits my hands and I bury the thought
And I wish for a fire long since gone now
The cold is welcomed but now I’m freezing
And I yearn for a dry place to rest

Slowly the storms rise with eventual death
And the darkness eclipses your sun
So I gasp with fear and sigh a resolve
And I cry until the rain goes away

Trapped within a bitter despair
Cool air forces itself through the trees
And the amble of the day turns to haste
As the crow devours the white dove

The elicited truth bleeds forth
And my hands bathe themselves red
As the grotesque truth is revealed to me
A watered down lie once believed

And its as the night becomes day
Hate replaces love in my heart
And anger streams thought my veins
Destroying a heart no longer for you

I spit in the face of so called truth
I chew on it and regurgitate it back
And I fear this merciless soul-killer
And I find ignorance a pleasing savior

These screams I hear inside my head
Sometimes make me see blood red
I’ve had enough, it’s too much pain
I think I might have gone insane

I only want to run away
To be with you all night and day
But I am trapped within this life
The bitter struggle, my painful strife

Yet when the rains and storms have cleared
I’ll be that man I’ve always feared
So now I watch for far away
I’ll be with you, some day

With extreme, comes a change
Balancing in full my derange
I know not why I am here
Or why I still live in fear

The rising up sets me free
But I’m rising to reality
What once was clear, now is haze
I am lost within an empty maze

And as I grow forever strong
I seem to kill my own soul’s song
There can be no in-between
I have met the bitter seam

What lies beyond, no one speaks
Only dreams and imagination keeps
That which I now must transcend
To begin a new, to close an end

And so now I dwindle away
From that which I always stay
And life goes on, minds forget
Alone I travel this fateful trip

I’m sitting here alone again
Writing another poem about you
Waiting for the phone to ring
But wishing you wouldn’t call

These help me to remember
How sweet your love really was
Even though words aren’t enough
They spark the memories of you

Even though you’re long gone
I can still feel you here today
Every letter pressed tells a story
Every line a dream of you

An outlet to my feelings
That I’m too afraid to show
A prison for my mind
A book of lies I call dreams

So I’ll lock these thoughts away
Bury them deep within my soul
A burden to my broken heart
A way to make me strong again