Shaded Heart

I have been happy.

There is no nectar
nor blooming flower as sweet
as the belle I love.

Dragonfly circles around my head at night.
She rides the cool morning breeze
to show me places I’ve only dreamed possible.
Her back burns a cerulean blue
and her nose leads with a silver diamond.
A hundred copper eyes reflect her one true soul
and sees my gray heart in six-hundred ways.
To catch her is futile; all I can do is lie still
and let her grace my bed until the westerly wind blows.

Songs never sung
echo through my mind.
Days yet to come
are all I know.

I am to blame
for this love undone.
Two lives the same
will never be.

The mind is cold
and obsolete.
A heart less bold
perhaps colder still.

I’ve left untied
the sail of life;
The sun casting
now its last shadow.

A chill runs down my spine
Feelings that once were mine
Illusions I was made to see
Were burning rubble and debris

Letters I should have burned
Feelings that I never earned
Phones I should have hung away
That were soon to betray

Love that lived inside a lie
Betrayal I cannot deny
Second chance, second thought
Forgiveness that was never sought

Thoughts of you are flashing past my eyes
There’s something here I failed to realize
I’m wondering if this is still the end
But just so you know, I’d do it all again

Your hair falls into place
And my heart starts to race
The smoothness of your skin
Won’t you smile at me again?

And the nights with nothing else to do
I only know I want to be with you
My mind is numb and I can never think
When your love is on the brink

I want to put this pain aside
I want to forget about your lies
I want to hear your voice again
I want to be with you again, again

Your hands run down side
Makes me feel so alive
When you smile up at me
There’s no where I’d rather be

I’m sick of this feeling I have
A guilt and regret I didn’t earn
A hate you sowed in my heart
An anger you continued to fuel

And so I’ve let you go now
I even set you gently down
I’ve found your love in another
Someone who always makes me smile

Someone who’s there when I fall
And cares enough to say it so too
Someone who makes me feel wanted
And wants to be wanted the same

This is everything you threw away
All you had but tossed aside
This is my life I have to live
A life you chose to live without

The day gives way to darker heir
And I struggle with the thought
Violent games play inside my head
You’re there too, standing silent

I brace myself for the impact
And it has hit but I haven’t moved
Still pretending you’re there
Still wishing you weren’t gone

Awoke to the warmth of the sun
But my heart is solid ice now
Slowly cracking and breaking
And I can do nothing but watch

Now we go about our days
With those feelings ignored
And my love is replaced with hate
Don’t let this be the end

You’ll leave all the same
And I’ll cry and forget you
Then you’ll come running back
But I’ll already be gone

These screams I hear inside my head
Sometimes make me see blood red
I’ve had enough, it’s too much pain
I think I might have gone insane

I only want to run away
To be with you all night and day
But I am trapped within this life
The bitter struggle, my painful strife

Yet when the rains and storms have cleared
I’ll be that man I’ve always feared
So now I watch for far away
I’ll be with you, some day

I sit in perfect obscurity
without a thing to hide,
and stare at my reflections;
to them only I confide.

Yes, I sit still waiting
for what I have not seen;
for that which I will never know;
for whom has never been.

But still I lay and listen
to the rustle of the trees;
to the howling of the midnight wind;
the churning of the seas.

I sit in perfect obscurity
with a smile upon my face
for I have found the darkness.
Forever shall it be my place.