Shaded Heart

The sun turns to grey
and my shaded heart to gold
when you flash a smile.

A violet sun shines deeply
revealing a heart of grey
that trades alcohol for oxygen
and chemicals for this blue blood.

Sadness marks my every breath,
and my seared lips speak only fear.
Blackened thoughts fill my mind;
these swollen eyes shed hope.

My skin knows no lover’s touch
and no siren songs ring these ears.
A dull moon rises in an empty sky,
signaling now the final hour.

Songs never sung
echo through my mind.
Days yet to come
are all I know.

I am to blame
for this love undone.
Two lives the same
will never be.

The mind is cold
and obsolete.
A heart less bold
perhaps colder still.

I’ve left untied
the sail of life;
The sun casting
now its last shadow.

Midnight air thickens and I struggle to breathe
Falling tears wash away the memories
And the sounding beat spells out pain
While every moment reminds me of you

My face hits my hands and I bury the thought
And I wish for a fire long since gone now
The cold is welcomed but now I’m freezing
And I yearn for a dry place to rest

Slowly the storms rise with eventual death
And the darkness eclipses your sun
So I gasp with fear and sigh a resolve
And I cry until the rain goes away

When the days become long and hot
And the sun again shows no mercy
The thought is burned into my head
The memory of my summer past

The painful ones I’d rather forget
These better ones I hardly know
My broken thoughts have pulled together
Time has slowly found its way

Well I bet you never understood
I’m guessing you were that blind
The things you did to kill my heart
When I needed you the most

The times when I would fight at home
Those days I bet you never cared
Did you care enough to look inside?
Pain was swelling in my eyes

My self had become lost in me
My soul had become unclear
Did you see the loss in me?
You never tried to help me find

When I only needed someone to hold
You went and ripped yourself away
When I was weak you struck me down
Did you ever even understand?

Even when I was falling after you
Did you catch me before I hit?
The nights I cried over my loss
I bet you never knew about those

But when I hit I stood right up
Hand by hand climbed out of pain
Now you want what you always had
What you selfishly gave away

I won’t let you drag me down again
I’m bruised but I’m not beaten
And this isn’t a hate letter, oh no
This is merely an explanation

Love, it’s like a sunset
An inevitable fact of life
A beauty that captures our eyes and heart
But eventually fades below the horizon

A feeling you’ll always return to
And one that will always be there in the end
A fortunate token of life
That no man has control of

And everyday tells a story
The sun burns a love that’s true
The ocean’s depth my capacity
Despise the night that steals you away

The day gives way to darker heir
And I struggle with the thought
Violent games play inside my head
You’re there too, standing silent

I brace myself for the impact
And it has hit but I haven’t moved
Still pretending you’re there
Still wishing you weren’t gone

Awoke to the warmth of the sun
But my heart is solid ice now
Slowly cracking and breaking
And I can do nothing but watch

Now we go about our days
With those feelings ignored
And my love is replaced with hate
Don’t let this be the end

You’ll leave all the same
And I’ll cry and forget you
Then you’ll come running back
But I’ll already be gone

I find myself lonely but not alone
Surrounded by pain and sorrow
Washing in a pool of self pity
Dirtied by a broken heart

Forbidden fruits encompass me
Tempting me with their beauty
Promising a fresh new life
So I hold them without tasting

Thoughts race through my mind
Memories and regrets I hold
Emotions distilled by hate
But I try not to fall down

The sun never did shine
Only light comes from within
But the night is suppressing
And I love and hate you

As I wade into deeper sorrow
My tears begin to drown me
And if these tears were yours
I wouldn’t mind death

Now I am lost to begin
And the oceans swell high
So I capsize my own boat
And my face pleads a resolve

The darkness enshrouds me
like a warm blanket in winter
or the thought of fear among the fearful.
The darkness soothes me
like a thousand singing sirens
or a lover’s hand upon my beaten face.
The darkness conceals me
like the night hides the sun
or my deepest inner secrets held.
The darkness welcomes me
like an inn to the lost traveler
or a mother’s knowing embrace.
The darkness contains me
like the sky holds its stars,
or the man who keeps his soul.
The darkness is a place I’ve found;
a place I shall never leave.